Can I Focus?

Maybe typing will be easier. It’ll go quicker at least. I’ve had a thousand thoughts run through my head, doing a little damage each of them. I hate myself, I need to quit this job, etc. No one wants to work with me. I tried so hard and it still didn’t work. I did everything right and that felt good, but it wasn’t enough. I could try to talk to B. She has similar problems. I guess I don’t trust her to have found solutions. But maybe she has. She seems like she is further along with it. It’s not personal that I don’t have enough work. It’s not embarrassing. I’m embarrassed. I’m insecure. It’s coming from within. But the situation isn’t a great match for me. Am I going to sit here and feel sorry for myself all afternoon after doing that all morning? It’s not fair. This is how this industry has always worked. There will be metrics and things that are hard no matter what I do. I guess I should eat something and call G.

Well I did it, sort of